We’ve all been there – half asleep, staring at our coffee cup like it’s the answer to all of life’s problems. Maybe you ran out of milk. Or, you’re feeling adventurous. Suddenly, everything in the kitchen looks like a potential coffee companion. But let’s be real – some things just don’t belong in a cup of joe.
Some attempts to “jazz up” your brew are well-meaning. Others are kitchen experiments gone wrong. Either way, some coffee additions are ridiculous. Today, we’re diving into the world of questionable coffee pairings and why you should keep them far, far away from your morning mug.
Marmite
Love it or hate it, Marmite is a UK staple. But putting it in your coffee? That’s a bridge too far. While the salty, yeasty spread works wonders on toast, the last thing you want is a brew that tastes like a pint of stout mixed with espresso.
Besides, coffee already has enough strong flavours going on without adding a salty kick. Leave the Marmite to your buttered crumpets, where it can shine without turning your cup of coffee into a bizarre science experiment.
Gravy
Nothing says Sunday roast like a good old dollop of gravy. But if you’re thinking of using it as a substitute for milk or cream in your coffee, stop right there. Gravy may be liquid, but it’s far from the smooth, velvety texture you’re hoping for in your morning brew.
The meaty, savoury notes mixed with coffee’s natural bitterness? You’ll be sipping on something that tastes like a roast dinner gone horribly wrong. Let’s keep gravy on your Yorkshire puddings where it belongs.
Cheese
While cheese and wine are a match made in heaven, cheese and coffee are more like a disaster waiting to happen. Sure, some cultures might dunk cheese in their coffee, but that doesn’t mean you should. Imagine a melted glob of cheddar swirling around your cup – it’s not exactly appetising, is it?
Coffee is rich and complex on its own, and adding cheese just turns it into a clumpy mess. Save your cheese for the cheese board and let your coffee stay dairy-free (or at least stick to milk).
Chicken Stock
It might sound odd, but someone out there has tried adding chicken stock to coffee as a “savory twist.” And while we appreciate the creativity, this is a hard no. Coffee and chicken broth do not mix. The savoury, umami flavour of stock just overpowers everything good about your morning brew.
Instead of trying to create a hybrid chicken-coffee drink, maybe just have some soup on the side. Trust us, your taste buds will thank you.
Cucumber Water
Cucumber water is refreshing, light, and perfect for a summer’s day – but in coffee? Absolutely not. The delicate, subtle flavour of cucumber clashes with the bold, roasted notes of coffee in the worst way.
You’ll go from feeling refreshed to utterly confused in just one sip. So, unless you’re looking to completely ruin your cup of coffee, keep the cucumber slices in your water jug and away from your espresso machine.
Vinegar
Vinegar in coffee is one experiment you don’t need to try. Yes, vinegar has a sharp tang that cuts through flavours, but pairing it with coffee’s already robust profile is just a recipe for disaster.
Not only will the sourness overpower any hint of sweetness, but your coffee will also taste like a cleaning product. Let vinegar do what it does best – cleaning windows, making pickles, and being nowhere near your brew.
Fish Sauce
You may love a splash of fish sauce in your pad Thai, but in your coffee? Absolutely not. Fish sauce is pungent, salty, and has a distinct aroma that is anything but coffee-friendly.
Unless you’re aiming to make your coffee taste like the sea, this is one ingredient that has no place in your morning routine. Stick to your favourite flavour syrups and leave the fish sauce in the pantry where it belongs.
Mayonnaise
We get it – people are always trying to find new uses for mayonnaise. It’s creamy, it’s tangy, and it makes everything from sandwiches to salads better. But putting it in coffee? That’s crossing a line no one should cross.
Mayonnaise will turn your coffee into a thick, oily mess. Instead of enhancing your brew, it’ll just leave a weird film on top of your cup. Do yourself a favour and save the mayo for your chips.
Soy Sauce
Salty, umami-packed soy sauce might be the hero of your stir-fry, but when it comes to coffee, it’s the villain. The salty kick might work wonders in Asian cuisine, but it’s a complete mismatch with coffee’s bitterness.
One sip of this misguided concoction, and you’ll wish you’d stuck with a simple splash of milk. Your taste buds don’t need this kind of drama in the morning.
Garlic
Garlic is the backbone of many great dishes, but adding it to your coffee is a no-go. Sure, garlic is versatile, but that doesn’t mean it should go in your brew. The pungent, sharp flavour will turn your coffee into a bizarre, unpleasant experience.
If you’re looking to wake up your taste buds, try a shot of espresso – not a clove of garlic.
Egg Yolk
Egg yolks are fantastic for making rich, creamy sauces, but dropping one into your coffee? That’s where things go wrong. While egg coffee is a thing in some places, it’s not for everyone, and it definitely shouldn’t be a regular part of your morning routine.
The texture alone is enough to put you off, and unless you want a breakfast hybrid in your cup, keep the eggs for your fry-up.
Wasabi
We’ve all heard of adding spice to coffee, but wasabi? That’s pushing it too far. The sharp, fiery heat of wasabi is great for sushi, but it’s an odd and overwhelming addition to your brew.
One sip of coffee with wasabi and you’ll likely be regretting your life choices. Keep the spice for your food, and let your coffee remain a soothing, gentle experience.
Ketchup
Ketchup has a place – on your chips, your burger, maybe even your scrambled eggs – but not in your coffee. The tangy, sweet flavour of ketchup combined with coffee’s bitterness is an assault on your taste buds.
There’s a reason ketchup is for food and not drinks. Let’s leave it there and keep your coffee as it should be – simple, delicious, and free from condiments.
Conclusion
Have you ever tried any of these coffee disasters? Or do you have a ridiculous coffee experiment of your own? Share your stories on our Facebook page – we’d love to hear what weird and wonderful things you’ve put in your cup!